Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Cheap Cheevos #9: A Clay Old Time.

I've been searching high and low for the easiest games to unlock all of the the achievements on. While a lot of these games will not be (and have not been) the best of quality, it will be enough to quench your cheevo thirst for the day. I've got an interesting line-up picked out for this edition. From school-girls with fishing rods, to an achievement set made by yours truly. So brace yourselves. It's Cheap Cheevos Issue 9. (Click on "Read More" to read the full article).

Umihara Kawase BAZOOKA! (Steam, PlayStation 4)

A platformer series that has finally gotten the respect that it deserves (okay, that happened years ago now, but still). Normally this series is about a cute little girl named Umihara being in a weird world where she has to use her fishing rod to get around. This is the spin-off, Umihara Kawase Bazooka. A game that takes notes from Bubble Bobble and Snow Bros and mixes them in with Umihara's rod action. 

Yup, we've got a single screen survival platformer where you must clear the screen of baddies. Clearing waves and destroying certain baddies will spawn a gold coin. Collect a certain amount of gold coins and the stage will be over. The main way of destroying the baddies is by using your fishing rod to catch them. You'll also be able to throw bombs and use a special jump attack. Each character also has some unique special moves, sadly, they come at a price. You'll have a special bar and can only perform these moves when it is filled to a certain point.

This special game has an all-star cast featuring characters from Umihara Kawase, Cotton, and uhhh other games that I've never heard of and streamers that I've also never heard of. Thankfully, you don't have to know who they are because you won't be playing as most characters for long. You do have to play as every character though, the trophies and achievements require it. Thankfully, you'll only need to start a game in Challenge Mode with each character and that'll be most of the trophies/achievements unlocked.

Once you've done all of that, pick Cotton. She'll be the character that we'll be using to obtain the rest of the trophies/achievements. Why? Because she is the ultimate character to cheese the game. You'll need some skill to beat this game with everyone else, but not Cotton. First of all, fire your bazooka to unlock another trophy/achievement. Next, kill a baddie with a double jump attack and BAM, another free trophy/achievement. 

Now we're up to the hard part. We're going to have to beat the game to unlock the rest of the trophies/achievements. This is where Cotton comes in super handy. Cotton is a special guest character from the Cotton series. They are shmup arcade games and are worth playing. Thankfully, Cotton's shmup attacks are all in this. So instead of using your fishing rod, you can just use her special attacks where she flies around on her broomstick and fires bullets. This breaks the game and makes it super, super easy to beat.

There are four worlds, each with a boss, and you'll have a certain amount of lives. If you happen to get a game over, you can just resume from the level that you were last on. The only thing that you'll have to worry about is trying to find a spot while your special bar re-fills. The basic bullet attack won't burn up much of the special meter. The super special attacks will, but you'll mainly be using that attack for fighting bosses.

Overall, this is a very fun game and a nice new take on the Umihara formula. A very nice game to play at parties. The achievement/trophy set is a bit underwhelming though. A lot of wasted potential, but I'm also excited because I can add this title to the Cheap Cheevo series. lol 

Box Adventure (Nintendo DS) (Retro Achievements)

Retro Achievement set: https://retroachievements.org/game/18541

Box Adventure is perhaps one of the most lazy, boring, but funny rom hacks that I have ever seen for Super Mario 64 DS. Although, the Umokay series of Super Mario 64 DS rom hacks is even more great for if you're a memehead. Sadly, we won't be seeing any Umokay sets until there's one that's worthy enough to be in this series. Plus, we're getting off topic here. Back to Box Adventure.

Well, where do I start. First of all, you'll be playing as Mario. He'll be thrown into a world full of pipes. Each pipe has a certain amount of stars to recover. This rom hack has 100 POWER STARS TO COLLECT! DAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNN! Thankfully, I haven't told you what the main gimmick is to this game. The gimmick that makes this a very easy game to get all of the cheevos on.

All of the levels have a box (or boxes for some levels) in the middle of a very small level. What you'll have to do now is very hard. Very hard indeed. You'll need to get Mario to smash that box with either his fist or butt and collect the star that's inside. Do this until you have all 100 golden stars and go take a break. If you see a blue star, that means that's a star that you already have.

Obviously this rom hack isn't meant to be taken seriously. It's a funny little novelty that provides a quick laugh. Worth checking out if you want to be weirded out.

ClayFighter 2 Prototype (Sega 32X) (RetroAchievements)

Retro Achievement set: https://retroachievements.org/game/16794

It's very exciting to see that there were plans to port the cult classic ClayFighter 2 to Sega's 32X add-on for the Mega Drive. You can just picture it now. Chaotic action with clearer sound and crisper graphics. Sadly, this prototype will disappoint you due to it being in such early stages of development, it's barely even a game. It's more of a tech demo if anything.

You'll be greeted with two characters (Tiny and Blob) and a level that looks like the blue screen of death. It plays fine. Controls are responsive, but the moves are basic and there aren't any special attacks to be found. You are free to play around until your opponent is knocked out, then it starts all over again. 

I thought that it'd be funny to make an achievement set for this, so I did! That's right, readers. This is the first ever set I have made for Retro Achievements (and an easy set to boot). I don't plan it on being the last either. Enough of the gloating, time to tell you about how to beat this set.

First of all you'll want to hit the start button to change the characters colors on the fly. This will unlock the "Clay Pride" achievement. Now keep on mashing that start button to make the game look like a cheap disco machine and you'll have unlocked, "Party Time".

Next, you'll want to mash Tiny's heavy punch (the C button). This will make it look like that Tiny is dancing and you'll have, "Tiny Dancer" as your prize. Now you must perform Tiny's flying punch on Blob by jumping and pressing B. If done correctly you'll have unlocked "Squash" and see a unique sprite animation in the process.

Now that we're done with the pointless achievements (literally), it's time to talk about the last three of them. All three are all related to knocking out Blob. "Tiny Victory" will be rewarded for simply knocking out Blob. If you happen to knock out Blob in under twenty-five seconds, you'll unlock "Fast Tiny Victory". That's not all. If you are really fast and knock out Blob in under twenty seconds, you'll have unlocked "Really Fast Tiny Victory". These aren't as hard to unlock as they sound. There's a nice little combo that Tiny can do. First, do any jumping attack that's not Tiny's flying fist. After that, duck and use Tiny's B button attack and he'll hit Blob for a two hit punch combo. Repeat all of this and you'll have mastered another easy set.

Overall, this prototype is fascinating for gaming historians. This prototype will just bore the s#!t out of casual players though. Nice.   

Moto Roader MC (Xbox One, Playstation 4, Playstation 5)

Ahh. Moto Roader. The PC Engine racing game about going slow and having the scrolling screen constantly kill you, no matter how fast your car is. Why the heck would someone want to port that to the Xbox One? Well, they didn't. Instead we've got one of the much better sequels. Well, maybe not much better. It's certainly more playable at least.

Gameplay isn't anything special by today's standards. It's a simple birds-eye view racing game about racing around tracks and coming in first place. Although, things get a bit weird and awesome on some of the later tracks. There's a level with portals that'll take you to specific spots on the track, making for a confusing but fun time. There's also a bathtub track with a big sexy naked woman in it. Sadly, if you are expecting to see her rubber duckies, prepare to be disappointed. There's some clever censorship. lol

Graphics are in retro 16-bit style. Well, it is a port of a PC Engine CD game. Although, the graphics have been cleaned up a little to look good on high definition televisions. To be honest, they aren't the best looking. It's very average and flat looking with the exception of a few of the special stages. Only reason why that this game stands out is due to the odd reason of this being a re-release. Other than that, it's a game that'd be lost in the pile.

What's more baffling than seeing this game re-released are the achievements themselves. You'd expect them to be about winning races, getting high scores, getting kisses from the lovely trophy girls. Instead we've got a set of achievements that are so easy, it's like Ratalaika Games weren't even trying.  Wait? Did I just say that Ratalaika Games released this? Well, no wonder. They are the master of free points and platinum trophies.

Now, what on Earth do you need to do to perfect this game? Just start a race on every race track. Yup. You do not even need to finish the races. Just start a race on a track, wait for the achievement to pop, then go to the next track. Do this until you have everything. Easy money!

Is the game worth checking out despite the achievements. No. Not really. It's just a very average racing game.

Colors! Maze 2 (Steam)

It's not an issue of Cheap Cheevos if there are no crappy Steam games on the list... Well, it's not an issue of Cheap Cheevos is there are no crappy games in general. Okay, this game isn't that crappy, but it is very average. This is Colors! Maze 2. Yes, the explanation point after the word, "Colors" is really part of the title. That should mean that you are in for an exciting time. Do not be fooled by the loud symbol, it's quite a mild experience.

All you do in this game is go through fifty very easy mazes, then you do it again, but this time the mazes are reversed. WHOA! There's no challenge or worry in this game. You can even play this one at your own pace if needed. Graphics are flat and boring. Music is nothing worth writing home about and you may as well listen to a podcast while playing this. At least the controls are responsive.

I wasn't a fan of the maze designs. They were very lazy. I did like how they grew bigger and bigger with each level though. Yes, I have to really stretch for my compliments for this one. There's nothing much to this game whatsoever. 

The achievements are just as simple as the game itself. All you'll need to do to 100% this game is to simply 99% this game. I know that sounds weird, but let me explain. You'll only have to beat MOST of the levels. Once you get to the last stage, the final achievement will unlock. This won't take long to do, about ninety minutes. Sadly, it'll feel like forever if you don't have a good album or podcast running in the background.

Overall, not a bad game, but a very average one. I wouldn't recommend this for the gameplay alone. It's just a boring waste of time. 

Bonus: Colors! Maze (Steam)

As an added bonus for this issue, I'll throw in the first Colors! Maze game. This game plays exactly like its sequel. Get to level one-hundred and you should have another game with no more achievements to obtain. 

See you all next time!

Picture Sources:

Cover Picture: Made by me.

Umihara Kawase Bazooka: Steam Store Page (https://store.steampowered.com/app/1271620/Umihara_Kawase_BaZooKa/)

Box Adventure: Retro Achievements (https://retroachievements.org/game/18541)

Clayfighter 2: Taken by me. Can also be seen on Retro Achievements. (https://retroachievements.org/game/16794)

Moto Roader MC: PlayStation Store Page (Moto Roader MC PS4 & PS5 (playstation.com))

Colors! Maze 2: Steam Store Page (https://store.steampowered.com/app/1920450/Colors_Maze_2/)

Colors! Maze: Steam Store Page (https://store.steampowered.com/app/1740420/Colors_Maze/)

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