Monday, February 4, 2019

Steamburg (Nintendo Switch) Review.

Welcome to Steamburg! The futuristic city of the past where robots are trying to kill you.  That's all I'll say for this little teaser.  You are going to have to read the full review for if you want to know more. The truth!  The truth of whether or not this game is any good.  (Click on "Read More" to read the full review.)


This game stars Vincent, a professor that is stuck in the middle of a robot invasion.  What makes matters worse is that his fiancée is stuck somewhere on the other side of Steamburg.  Vincent must find a way of getting too her while fighting off the evil robots along the way.  It's a basic premise but it tries to flesh it out with dialogue filled cutscenes.  Even so, the story itself is generic and cliché, so don't expect to be all that impressed with it.


The goal of the game is to lure giant robots into even bigger Tesla towers.  Yup, this game takes place where Tesla equipment took off.  (Tesla equipment are those big electric ball things that make your hair go up.)  Luring the robots can be tricky, they are fast and can zap you, so you'll need to think about choosing your path wisely.  The robots can be stunned with electric grenades but don't wait for too long, they only stay stunned for a limited amount of time.  Each Tesla tower can only destroy one robot before the tower is considered useless, so this makes it even more tricky.

The concept itself is quite interesting.  If I were told about this game without knowing how it played, then I'd be very curious to play it.  Sadly, this game is no way near as fun as it sounds.  Far from it!  The gameplay is very frustrating and unpolished to the point of being a very painful experience.  First of all, moving around is a pain.  Our main character is very sluggish and likes to get stuck to anything that slightly touches him.  A lot of the puzzles have very tight sections, making them a hassle to get though without getting stuck.  There are some breather levels that have no giant robots.  Instead, they serve to push the story forward and these did do that.

Speaking about the levels, they weren't fun.  A lot of really dull and absurd designs that'd still not be fun even if it had better movement and physics. I can say that throwing the grenades isn't terrible but throwing them at and through certain things is a bit sloppy. Some levels can also be really confusing to navigate though, you couldn't tell that certain areas were accessible due to the environment.  There is replay value in this game despite the game not being very fun.  Each puzzle level has some green orbs and upgrade items that can be collected.  So if you're into pain, try beating the levels while trying to collect them all.

There are things that pop up in the foreground, like blimps and clouds and they get in the f*****g way of the game.  I couldn't tell you how many times (because I wasn't counting) that I was screwed over victory because a cloud or a blimp popped up to obscure my view.  I like seeing them in the game but I don't like them being a part of the puzzle.  It wasn't needed and harms the levels more so than adding to them and really feels like a d**k move.


The sprite for the main character (Vincent) doesn't look good, he has a very ugly design and even more ugly animation.  The designs of all of the stages and buildings are okay but only if you don't stare at them for too long. The overall look of the game is like looking at a mid-tier PC game from 1996 with its very uncanny valley style of graphics.


There is voice acting in this game and it isn't bad although it does sound a tad bit rough and forced in some spots.  Other than that, acting sounds very professional and really adds on a War of the Worlds mood to the atmosphere.  The music is very dark and moody, adding even more atmosphere.

Overall, Steamburg is a very mediocre and annoying puzzle game with a cliché story.  You are best looking for something better to play.  Steamburg gets a 4 out of 10.

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